“Last Christmas I gave you my heart, but the very next day you gave it away...”
A year ago, I was just about a youngster. Now, I think I’m getting the hang of practically being a matured teen. Last Christmas, was a selfish me. I only considered my feelings then, of what I’ve felt. I always thought of my pain. It’s just that, last Christmas... I loved. That was the only Christmas that happiness didn’t come knocking on my door. The only Christmas love has passed through without even giving me a little glimpse of what’s the meaning of Christmas. I pretended. Pretended that I was on cloud nine. Pretended that I was very well. It worked by the way. I even got the award for being the BEST PRETENDER. No one knows that as the year 2008 ends, and as the year 2009 approached... I suffered. And I have to endure it, ALONE. January passed, February came, and March advanced. The pain just keeps on killing me. But mind you, I was happy then. The school year ended but still, my love didn’t.
Summer began. Strengthened the bond, thickened the pain, and so came those unidentified tears. It was so difficult for me to muddle through. So arduous for me to let go. I begged, I begged God for Him to look down. For there’s this person who badly needs Him. Recalling those cold summer nights when I cried alone was a very rigorous moment. Grief just won’t disappear, it’s like chance is notifying me that the privilege of being opportune is that I don’t have. But then again, I was happy.
Another school year commenced. Hey, I’m a senior soon to graduate and will finally be leaving all these sour memories behind. The bitterness carried on, and I was hoping if there will come a time when it’ll finally come to an end. For at that split second, I was about to give up. Give it all up. Even the friendship I dared to forget for there was so much pain, so much. I was in agony, torturing my body. Part by part I felt a twinge. Each of my veins stung. My heart throbbed for it was filled with sorrow and anguish. And in each class I’m in, I suffered the taunt of failing. I can’t focus, I can’t think. I can’t draw myself into learning when my mind’s wavering. That’s when I’ve learned how to open my mind... then closed my heart.
“This year, to save me from tears...”
December 23rd when I’ve posted this blog. 2 days to go and we’ll all have a Merry Christmas. This year’s going to be a perfect one. This one will be one of the best. For who knows... It may be the last Christmas I’ll be celebrating.
So this year, to save me from tears... I’ll just keep my heart here in my chest. Safe and unbroken.
Merry Christmas everybody
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